Dear Self,
What happened to you?
Your mind is collapsing under pressure.
Your body keeps shaking violently.
Late at night your heart is screaming
to break free from its chamber.
You need to get yourself together.
Get help… before it’s over.
Why is everything colorless?
Dark?
Painful?
Why don’t you open your eyes?
Look for the endless light.
It will show you that there is a future.
Stop drowning in your pain.
Find him.
Reach for his hand.
Once your hands connect, it’s forever.
This magnetic touch is a promise.
Love always,
Me
What happened to you?
Your mind is collapsing under pressure.
Your body keeps shaking violently.
Late at night your heart is screaming
to break free from its chamber.
You need to get yourself together.
Get help… before it’s over.
Why is everything colorless?
Dark?
Painful?
Why don’t you open your eyes?
Look for the endless light.
It will show you that there is a future.
Stop drowning in your pain.
Find him.
Reach for his hand.
Once your hands connect, it’s forever.
This magnetic touch is a promise.
Love always,
Me
5 comments:
I really liked some of the language you used in this piece. One line stood apart, though, for me. Because I kept thinking of a more clever way to use the language you put out.
"Late at night your heart is screaming to break free from its chamber."
How about trying to play with the concept of the chambers in your heart. for example having the line sound like this:
"Late at night
your heart is screaming
to break free of its chambers."
I don't know, just a suggestion.
Also, I would play around with your line breaks. Instead of breaking after a sentence, break between sentences, put words on separate lines. Just play around. A poem not only has to sound good, but what a poem looks like is also very important. If you can't think of a way to break it up, read it aloud to yourself and listen to where your pauses are and that's when you hit "Enter" :)
-Your pd. 5 friend.
i love this peom alot
i had to read it twice because i liked it so much
"Late at night your heart is screaming
to break free from its chamber."
yes awesome.
I'm glad you took some suggestions. It sounds awesome.
Line breaks could still use some looking over, but other than that, I like.
I love it, it reminds me of all my stuggles and pains, and the one I'm goning through today and what happened in past weeks. I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!
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